Welcome to this new adventure of mine. I’ve been considering starting a blog for years but always came up with reasons not to. I’ll say something and regret it later. I’ll be a terrible example to other people. I don’t want to appear like I’m trying to be another mom blogger. And the list goes on. BUT, the time has come. Why? I’m not exactly sure. Part of it is a feeling of being called. I can’t seem to get away from it, which let’s be honest, often means I’m NOT getting out of it. Part of it is because my husband keeps telling me to do it. And another part is I believe we, as women, have stories to share. We can’t learn from, help, or encourage others if we keep everything to ourselves.

God has allowed many different avenues and experiences in my short time on this earth and I’m confident He has quite a few more in store. Are they pretty? Not always, in fact many of them are on the ugly side but that’s why this is Joy, Even Now. Finding joy in the journey. Hangin’ on when life gets tough. We get the good and the bad, the happy and the sad. This will be a collection of the challenges I’ve faced, the choices I’ve made, and the miraculous ways God has moved.

So why this title? It’s inspired by my discovery of the Greek words “kai nyn” which mean “even now”. In John 11, Mary and Martha send for Jesus knowing Lazarus is sick and in need of healing. To their surprise Jesus waited a few days and came too late from their perspective. Lazarus had died and been buried a few days prior. When Martha ran to Jesus she said, “But even now I know…” proclaiming her trust in Jesus and her Heavenly Father amidst the heartache and pain. (If you aren’t familiar, Jesus then brings Lazarus back to life after being dead for DAYS!) When I read this breakdown in the book “I Will Carry You” by Angie Smith, it hit me like a brick. I had just faced a miscarriage at 10 weeks pregnant and felt completely broken. I felt the Lord leading me to a word study on joy and knew He would restore my joy in His time. I couldn’t see it and definitely didn’t feel it for a long time, but He has brought my sorrow to laughter and even now I believe. Not because He has made things right in my eyes, but because I learned to trust Him in my utter darkness. I believe in His goodness, His faithfulness, His ultimate plan even when it breaks me.

So hear I am. I want to be used and pour out what the Lord fills in me. I’m passionate about marriage and motherhood. I’ve experienced multiple miscarriages, secondary infertility struggles, adoption (both as an adoptee and adoptive mama), an unexpected move across country, and ultimately complete surrender. It’s a beautiful chaotic mess! There will be LOTS of Jesus because I simply can’t make it without Him, stories of my crazy life, lessons I’ve learned, thoughts I’m processing, and maybe some belly laughs if we’re lucky. I’m figuring this out as I go so I’m also asking for loads of grace. I hope you’ll grab some coffee or tea, kick up your feet on my oversized couch, and wrap yourself in a cozy blanket. Let’s get to know each other.